So today would have been my 5 year wedding anniversary.
It would have been, if I hadn’t decided that divorce was my best option. If my life hadn’t been turned upside down. If everything was going according to plan. Divorce was never in my plan.
And so sad.
I was sitting at lunch and over the speakers a song started playing. It happened to be the song Ex and I danced our first dance to at our wedding.
The Universe has exquisite timing.
I sat and listened to the song, and pondered the irony of hearing it on what would have been our anniversary. And it made me feel a little weird, and sort of agitated and just…bleh. You know that feeling? yeah…
I went out to my car, put my head on the steering wheel, and cried. And then cried some more. Apparently having dreams, and hopes, and love, and commitment, and refining, and creating life, and memories, and experiences with someone is pretty hard to get over.
Maybe “get over” isn’t the right way to say it.
Maybe “accept your current reality” is a better way to say it.
Maybe “understand that everyone has choices, and that certain decisions have put you in this place” is a better way to say it.
Maybe “life sucks sometimes, and I just want to throw a tantrum about how unfair it is” is the best way to say it.
So I went home and I felt sorry for myself, and I felt like a failure for a minute, and I felt hopeless and alone for a minute. And then I took a deep breath. And I put my Nikki Is Strong hat back on. And I’m ok.
So today is a little bit weird. And I’m a little bit sad. And I’m a little bit heartbroken.
And I’m a little bit closer to not being heartbroken anymore.